Secrets
by peroxidepest17
Summary: Companion Piece to “The Price of Peace and Quiet,” “Storyteller,” “Coming of Age” and “Healer”- Momiji and the importance of keeping a secret.


**Title:** Secrets

**Author:** Celeste

**Rating:** PG-13 (for mentions of NCS)

**Feedback:** (yes!) keviesprincessnetscape.net

**Pairing:** mentions of Haru/Yuki

**Summary:** Companion Piece to "The Price of Peace and Quiet," "Storyteller," "Coming of Age" and "Healer"- Momiji and the importance of keeping a secret.

**A/N:** Yes, I haven't written anything in _forever_ so excuse the major suckiness this piece will undoubtedly be made of. I guess I just need to warm up to the writing thing and having of free time now that it's summer and I don't have a legitimate excuse to not try and write (other than the suckiness). Anyway, I realize that I'm overplaying this story-arc without actually dealing with how Yuki or Haru see the events (read: I am a huge chicken) but I don't know if I'm quite up to writing that...ever. I'm stupid that way. --;; So...apologies to anyone who finds my suckiness (as well as lengthy author's notes) offensive... I can't really help the suckiness (and the unbeta'd-ness). But I'm practicing anyway...

**Dedication:** To Mel, because she takes me in and feeds/shelters me in all my patheticness.

**Disclaimer:** Not mine... if they were, I think I'd worry a lot less about paying my out-of-state college tuition and more about Shigure/Hatori fanservice and getting to molest Seki as he's voicing Kyou. XD

* * *

Momiji was always most proud of how well he could keep a secret.  
  
No matter how much people wanted to know something...  
  
... no matter how sad they were when he wouldn't say anything...  
  
...no matter how much they thought they deserved to know...  
  
...when they asked Momiji...  
  
... he knew how to keep a secret.  
  
Like that one time, when Hiro saved all of his money up for a long time to buy Kisa a really nice ribbon set for her birthday. Hiro hadn't been able to take her to buy sweets or play for a long time, and the week before her birthday, he barely even looked at her while he was using his free time to shop for the perfect present. Kisa had become sad and worried, turning to ask Momiji if he knew what the matter was.  
  
She had found him in the garden, sucking on a heart shaped lollipop and kicking his feet aimlessly over the wooden porch, happy that the sky was bright and that Hari-san had bought him candy.  
  
She'd walked up to him and sat down beside him, nervous, worried, and hopeful that her older cousin could help.  
  
He'd looked over at hearing her, smiled and with a 'pop' plucked the lollipop from his mouth.  
  
_"Hello Kisa-chan! Would you like a taste of my lollipop? Hari-san gave it to me and it tastes very good!"_ he'd offered good-naturedly.  
  
She shook her head quickly, murmuring an incomprehensible _"no" _that her older cousin didn't hear.  
  
_"Ne...Kisa-chan... is something the matter?"_  
  
She'd looked back at Momiji, catching his eyes in hers and nodded.  
  
_"What's wrong? You look so sad! That's not good... you should have some candy!"_ he'd exclaimed, trying to use the tone of his voice to cheer her up a little as he continued to wave the treat in offering.  
  
_"Momiji-chan..."_ she started in that quiet voice of hers, eyes huge and broken-hearted. _"Is Hiro-chan angry with me?"  
_  
Momiji had looked slightly surprised at her asking that, but soon recalled that Hiro had been very busy looking for the perfect birthday present. _"Hmmm... Hiro-chan is definitely not angry with you!"_ he'd responded in his most grown-up older cousin voice. _"Don't worry, ne? I know! I'll go ask Hari-san for another lollipop for you. Be happy, okay?"  
_  
He got up, popping the candy back in his mouth and brushing off the seat of his pants with his hands.  
  
He hoped the candy would cheer her up for now, and soon she would find out why Hiro wasn't around so much lately.  
  
He always preferred it when everyone was happy, but he knew that for now, Kisa would have to be a little bit sad so that later, she could be much happier when Hiro gave her his present.  
  
So it would be important to keep this secret from her for now, even if it made her a little bit sad.  
  
Hopefully, the candy would cheer her up for a little while.  
  
But as he had turned to leave, he remembered feeling her hand grab the cuff of his sleeve and he'd turned around to look at her. She stood there clutching at his sleeve with a small, shaking hand, looking back up at him with the saddest, most lost expression he had ever seen on her face. He remembered standing there, a bit stunned at the power of her sadness, a bit fascinated as he watched the way the teardrops began to grow in her eyes until they looked as if they had trapped the real her behind some glass case. He remembered watching how they'd fallen as well, full and perfect from worried eyes when she blinked up at him, asking him, pleading with him without words, to tell her what was happening with someone she cared very much about and who she had thought cared about her very much as well.  
  
And no matter how much she looked at him with those big sad eyes, Momiji was able to look away and tell her in his most cheerful voice, _"Hiro is probably just busy, Kisa. It'll be okay."  
_  
Because he knew that Hiro's secret was an important one to keep.  
  
He had always been good at keeping secrets, especially important ones.  
  
It was just something he was very good at. Like how Yuki was good at school and Shigure was good at writing and Kyou was good at yelling.  
  
He kept important secrets, because he liked it when everyone was happy.  
  
He liked it when everyone was happy.  
  
And sometimes, the truth was just very sad.  
  
Which is why there are secrets at all.  
  
It was like his papa had told him a long time ago.  
  
_"Sometimes, the truth is too sad for people, Momiji. Don't you like it better when people are happy?"  
  
"Yes, papa!"  
  
"Then you have to keep this secret for me, okay? So mama can be happy again. Even if it hurts you sometimes, it's important for mama. Can you keep this secret for me?"  
  
"Yes, papa!"_  
  
He loved his mama and his papa, and so he kept his secrets for them.  
  
It was something he was very good at.  
  
He could keep a secret no matter what, especially when it meant that the people he loved were happier because of it.  
  
For example, one day he had seen Haru give Yuki a kiss behind the school right before lunch had ended. Yuki had smiled a little shyly and said something back that Momiji couldn't hear, but the way Haru looked back at Yuki after that, with those sleepy-content eyes of his, had told the rabbit all he'd needed to know about what was going on.  
  
He'd kept that secret too, because Yuki and Haru both seemed happier when they had those times, those little kisses and sleepy smiles behind the school as the lunch bell was ringing.  
  
Yuki's eyes were less distant and people began to see much more of White Haru than Black.  
  
It seemed like they were much happier than they used to be, and so Momiji kept their secret.  
  
He was good at it, and he was happier when the people he cared about were happy as well.  
  
And he didn't say a word about it, even when Kyou would give them suspicious, worried looks when he thought no one was looking or when Tohru would wonder where the two of them had disappeared to during lunch again.  
  
_"Oi... where did that damn mouse and stupid cow go to again?"  
  
"Eh? They left? But I made everyone dessert today!"  
  
"Damn idiots... what the hell are they up too all the time? Do you know, brat?"  
  
"Know what Kyou-kun? Waaah! Can I have some of Tohru-kun's dessert?"  
  
"Of course! Here you go Momiji! Is that enough?"  
  
"More please, Tohru-kun!"  
  
"Che... those two are so damn troublesome."  
  
"Oh...maybe they're busy! With council stuff? Do you think that's it Kyou- kun?"  
  
"The cow isn't on the council, stupid!"  
_  
_"Ah, you're right! I'm sorry!"  
  
"Stop being an idiot. Why are you apologizing to me?"  
  
"Eh? Oh...! I'm sorry Kyou-kun! I shouldn't have!"  
  
"Stop... geh. Never mind. What did you make?"  
  
"Tohru-kun made a flan! It's yummy!"  
  
"Lemme have some... don't eat it all you stupid rabbit!!"  
  
"Waaaagh! Kyou-kun hit me!! He's such a bully!!"_  
  
Theirs was a secret he was happy to keep for as long as he needed to, because Momiji was glad when Yuki's eyes smiled for real and Haru's were calm.  
  
And, he thought with bubbly good humor, that Kyou was happier when those two were gone anyway.  
  
This was another secret he was glad to keep. Their secret made them happy. And he was sure there was a reason why they didn't tell anyone.  
  
Maybe, if they did, it would hurt them.  
  
Secrets existed when the truth hurt too much, after all. It was exactly as his papa had said.  
  
So he kept their secret, because it made them happy.  
  
And like his mama, they were people he loved very much.  
  
All he wanted was for them to be happy.  
  
He was good at keeping secrets.  
  
Even when it was hard to keep them, when they hurt him because he couldn't tell anyone when he wanted to a little bit.  
  
_"Ne... Momiji... is that man over there your papa?"  
  
"No...that's Tori-san. He takes care of me!"  
  
"But what about your papa and mama? Didn't they come today?"  
  
"I..."  
  
"Sensei said to bring our mamas and papas for sport's day today! Don't you have a papa and mama?"  
  
"I have a big family...but... no papa or mama. Hari-san takes care of me!"  
_  
_"That's so weird! Who are you going to run with during the race? Sensei said that we had to run with our papa or mama!"  
  
"Sensei said she would run with me! Sensei is a good runner, remember? I'm sure we'll win!"  
  
"Sensei isn't as good a runner as my mama!"  
  
"Ne... look over there Shishi-chan! Doesn't that look good? Let's go get some candy! Waaaai!"  
  
"Okay!"_  
  
He could smile and laugh even though the secrets hurt sometimes, because he knew that this was the way people were happier. Sometimes the truth hurt too much, like papa told him. And his mama and his papa and Momo-chan were all happier this way, which made him glad that he could make them happy.  
  
Even if the secrets hurt him sometimes.  
  
But they existed when the truth hurt too much.  
  
And he was very good at keeping them.  
  
He just wanted everyone to be happy, because he preferred it when the people he loved were happy.  
  
He just wanted everyone to be happy...  
  
...that's all.  
  
He was the one that found Haru that night.  
  
It seemed like a long time ago, because maybe it was, but he remembered it just like he remembered his papa's words and his mama's face and the way that Yuki's eyes smiled a little more when Haru was looking back at them.  
  
He remembered it well, even though it seemed like a long time ago, more than a year ago.  
  
He had to keep another secret after that, but it was strange, because it wasn't one that seemed to make anyone happier, and it hurt almost as much as his promise to his papa did sometimes. But he kept it anyway, because he remembered what his papa had said.  
  
Secrets exist when the truth hurts too much.  
  
He was the one that found Haru that night. He found Haru because Akito had come out of his cousin's room smelling of blood, and even though he wasn't supposed to be up so late at night when there was school the next morning, Momiji had snuck into Haru's room to see what had happened. Sometimes Akito got angry, but usually...  
  
... there wasn't blood.  
  
There wasn't the smell of blood and something else more sinister on him after he had gotten angry at one of them.  
  
Akito often got angry with one of them, but usually there wasn't that smell, the one that made Momiji shake a little, a frightened rabbit that sensed death nearby.  
  
So he went to Haru's room to see what happened.  
  
And he'd found Haru.  
  
And the smell of blood and dirt and pain and fear had hit his rabbit senses as he'd stood there looking at his cousin curled in the dark, as he'd heard his cousin's shallow breaths and he smelled that smell...  
  
... he'd never forget the smell of that much blood.  
  
Akito sometimes got angry with them...sometimes very angry... but there wasn't supposed to be blood. There was never that much blood. Not even with Hari...  
  
He'd run to Hari's room on instinct, heart beating so rapidly he thought it would die any second, that it would just run itself out and stop beating and he'd drop dead right there on the floor because rabbits were fast but should never have to run that fast that scared all at once.  
  
He'd knocked, weakly but quickly on Hari's door because he knew Hari was behind it. That meant that he could take care of the blood, not because he was a doctor but because the last time there was blood it had been Hari's and he had been okay afterwards, if a bit sadder.  
  
When he saw Hari open the door, he'd launched himself at the dragon, hoping that even though there was blood, because Hari was okay, Haru would be okay too.  
  
Though maybe a little sadder.  
  
And after Hari had fixed up Haru he'd promised Momiji that Haru would be okay as long as he got some rest. He promised that things would be fine. He told Momiji not to tell anyone else what had happened until they talked to Akito and figured things out, because if people knew before things were figured out, it would worry them and they wouldn't know what to do.  
  
Momiji promised he wouldn't tell anyone. It seemed best after all.  
  
Secrets existed when the truth hurt too much.  
  
So when Hari had said he was going to call Shigure and Yuki to come...  
  
... Momiji felt his heartbeat speed up again.  
  
_"Hari-san... I thought you said we couldn't tell anyone!"_ he'd protested quietly.  
  
_"I...think Yuki should know, shouldn't he?"  
  
"Does Hari-san..."  
  
"Aa. I know."  
  
"Then... why? Yuki will be so sad! Isn't it better if he doesn't? It'll hurt too much, won't it?"  
  
"I think...Yuki should know. I think he can cheer up Haru more than anyone else."  
_  
_"But...if Yuki is sad, Haru will be sad too! Haru loves Yuki...if it hurts Yuki so much, he shouldn't let him know!"  
  
"It's okay, Momiji. I won't tell Yuki everything. That's... probably not what's important. But he should know. Please... go to bed. You have school tomorrow, remember?"  
  
"But..."  
  
"We won't tell him everything, okay Momiji? But he should know. I think he should."_  
  
Momiji didn't want Yuki to be sad from knowing, but Hari was the smartest person Momiji knew, so he'd listened to him. He went to bed, and the next morning, he didn't tell anyone what happened. He went to school and smiled as much as he could even though it hurt him a little when he had to.  
  
Because even though it hurt, the truth would more.  
  
But at the same time, he was a little confused and very sad. Secrets existed because the truth hurt too much.  
  
So if Haru loved Yuki... wouldn't he want to keep what happened a secret? Wouldn't it be better? Momiji would help him keep it. He was good at keeping secrets.  
  
And the truth hurt so much.  
  
Yuki knew...and he seemed so sad. Maybe Yuki didn't know everything, but with what he did, he was already so sad.  
  
Momiji wished he didn't know anything... maybe he would be happier that way.  
  
Like mama was.  
  
Secret existed because the truth hurt too much.  
  
They existed when it was better not to know everything. To not know the whole truth.  
  
He could have kept the secret with Haru and Hari... he was good at it. They didn't have to have told Yuki.  
  
Momiji was good at keeping secrets.  
  
For example, after that night, when Haru didn't come back to school again because of that night, Momiji had to keep another secret.  
  
_"Momiji-chan, how come Haru doesn't come to class anymore? Is he sick?"  
  
"He hasn't been here for such a long time! Tell us what's happening!"  
  
"Yeah... and Sohma-sempai hasn't come back for a week! Everyone's very worried!"  
  
"Ah... it's okay everyone! Haru... he's going to transfer."  
  
"Eh?! Why all of a sudden?!"  
  
"Ah...he just, has to. But Yuki will be back soon! He just hasn't been feeling well lately..."  
_  
_"Ahh! Sohma-sempai is ill?! We should make him cards! Would you give them to him for us, Momiji?"  
  
"O-okay... of course! He'll... be very grateful!"_  
  
He didn't tell anyone what happened because it was just like Hari had told him...  
  
...everyone would be sad and worried if they knew.  
  
So he didn't tell a single person, not even Kyou or Tohru-chan. He felt that maybe they knew a little bit after all when he saw them, because Kyou looked more sad than angry though he tried to be angry and Tohru seemed happier than usual which was strange if you know how she is when she is honestly happy. But Momiji didn't tell anyone, not even them, and tried to keep smiling because he knew if he was suddenly sad it would be the same as telling.  
  
And he was sure...  
  
...he was sure they would be happier if they didn't know. At least, if they didn't know everything.  
  
Because he knew everything, and it made him sad.  
  
And Yuki knew... maybe not everything, but he knew also. And he seemed...  
  
...much sadder than those who didn't know. Much sadder.  
  
But Yuki didn't tell either, because they both knew that the truth hurt too much here.  
  
When the truth hurt too much...  
  
...it was why secrets existed.  
  
Momiji didn't tell a single soul exactly what he had come across that night.  
  
Not even Yuki knew, really. Not everything. He didn't know the details of what Momiji had found. Tori said that Yuki should know, but maybe not everything. So they didn't tell Yuki everything. Momiji thought that he didn't have to know at all, but since he did, at least he could keep him from knowing everything.  
  
It was just another secret after all.  
  
And even if it made him sad, even if it was something that he was left alone to carry, at least he thought that maybe, as long as he didn't tell, everyone else could be a little happier. He was someone who preferred that the people he loved be happy. As happy as they could be.  
  
A little happier than him.  
  
Because he could keep a secret.  
  
**END**


End file.
